Friday, October 21, 2016

Looking Back

I've been feeling nostalgic lately. Remembering all the good times with family or friends; holidays, summer bonfires, drunken college shenanigans, late nights full of youth and laughter and ignorance of the future. Not that the future has held any horrible fate for many of us, but we were so close together in both physical proximity and emotional connections. Now we share neither of these.  I want to reach out to my old friends and rekindle that connection we had, reach out to family and let them know that this prodigal son didn't mean to abandon them.

I think that it is easier to look back on the past and remember the highlights than it is to look at your present and ignore the lows. College was bad for me in so many ways: the sleepless nights trying (and failing) to study, the waxing and waning (but never ceasing) levels of stress, the painful relationships, unhealthy and downright dangerous levels of caffeine. And life now is going well, I'm out of the kitchens and working as a brewer full time. I can take classes at SANCA at no cost, live walking distance from some of my friends, biking distance from work, have a wonderful girlfriend, a cool apartment in a fun city, and more money in my bank account than I think I ever have before (not that it's much, but I don't have to worry if splurging on guacamole will make my rent check bounce). And yet, life sucks.

Or better yet, my perception of my life sucks due to the chemical imbalances in my brain. Depression makes my life shitty, and only a combination of high-strength anti-depressants and shit-tons of weed (yay Washington state) keeps me functional enough to hold down a job and get me through the weeks.

And now it's way too fucking late in the evening. I need sleep.

No comments:

Post a Comment